Ciento Cuatro

Pure and simple Lust. That is the thing my friends. THE Thing.

It is not as hopeful as love, but also it is not as lonely. 

Feliz No-Aniversario :) 

Ciento Tres

The uncertainty of loneliness hit me today while driving.
The hollow came back.

Hadnt feel it in a while. 

Im afraid of ending up like my parents, friendless and at some point bitter, but I cant see another way.

Ive found that im so intolerant I can barely tolerate myself. 

there is nothing to save and I know

CientoDos

Surprisingly, I still can't deal with Dave Gahan's hips. 

Damn, that man is hot.

Cientouno

Ain't gonna worry 

Just live till you die 

I wanna drown 

With nowhere to fall into the arms of someone 

There's nothing to save and I know 

You live till you die 

Cien

Im the Queen of Half Things.

My first kiss was not a kiss.
My first time was not my first time.
My first boyfriend was not my boyfriend. Even now

I just realized this today. And I want it to stop. But I dont know how.
It seems I settle with half of the things I should. Half relationship, half actions.
Like Im so eager of having whatever-it-is that I cant wait for it to become complete.

This is a vice that needs to be eliminated.
That or, I just stop giving importance to this things

The problem is that Im half strong to do it. 

Noventa y Nueve

"Everything in the world is about sex except sex. 

Sex is  about power." 

Oscar Wilde

Noventa y Ocho

Heaven smiles above me 

Noventa y Siete

Ive found that one of my favorite things ever, is grabbing some man´s head with both of my hands while I kiss him.
I knew but hadn't realized how good it makes me feel

Noventa y Seis

Escuchando el 10,000 Days porque I feel like it. Recordé la primera vez que lo escuché.
[ and that took me to the next thing ]

Hace poco le dije a un muy buen amigo que la música es lo único que tengo. Inmediatamente me dijo: No digas eso. Como si hubiera dicho algo horrible. Suena horrible, pero no lo sentí tan feo como el lo sintió.

No soy una persona emocionante. No me considero divertida. No tengo muchos temas de conversación, no tengo muchos pasatiempos. Sé que soy chistosa y puedo hacer reir a muchas personas, pero eso no es lo mismo que saber divertir a alguien.

Lo que tengo que es mio, que me completa, que me da las mejores emociones, que me apasiona  ( y que es SFW, y politicamente correcto jijiji ups ) es la música. Incluso puedo asegurar que influye en la relación que tengo con otras personas [ si compartimos algún grupo o hemos platicado de música, I adore you ]

Todo porque recuerdo perfectamente la primera vez que escuché el 10,000 Days. Esos momentos para mí son súper especiales, como cuando conoces a alguien, o cuando alguien pasa a ser una persona especial en tu vida. Esos momentos son divinos,

Noventa y Cinco

Hay muchos discos / canciones que no escucho tan seguido porque tienen el poder de hacerme viajar al pasado y me hacen sentir cosas que estoy feliz de haber dejado atrás.

Es malo porque son muy buenos discos. Y los quiero

Now Playing: Mer de Noms, A Perfect Circle 

Noventa y Cuatro

My first kiss was not meant to be.

The very first time I kissed a guy was with my lips closed, and he was a friend in school.

We were studying at one of the fields in the campus and it was getting dark.

Now, you have to know that when there is pressure and less sleep than normal, the mind usually wanders a lot. A LOT

So we are there sitting on the grass reading but saying stupid and random things. One complaining about his ex girlfriend, one about how he was alone. I was just listening. And I don't remember really how it happened, my best friend was already leaving the spot when i got behind  ( probably because my feet were numb ) and this other guy who used to study with us helped me. He asked if I had an ex. I said no. 

So he yells to my friend: Duuude!! she has never had a boyfriend.

Then A yells : I KNOOOW

He keeps asking questions. Have you been on dates, have you been in love. Then he asks if Ive ever kissed someone, which was a no.

Duuuuuude!! She has never kissed anybody!! 

I KNOOOOOW

Then he says, can I have a kiss? And I say yes.

So we kissed. It lasted nothing. It was just a soft touch on the lips.

Then of course he screams.

DUUUDE SHE KISSED ME!!!!

And thats when my friend lost it. He was so mad. He made me feel like a whore.
Now that I think of it, I was just being flirty,  which I was but nobody knew. Im one of the most flirtatious person you will meet. And I knew that back before, but I never felt too confident to show it. Not even when I got the chance. Not until I graduated. 

So for me it was nothing, just a game. It felt silly and stupid, and it wasnt even a big romantic kiss. But I got lectured about it. My friend was mad. I dont know why now that I think of it. Maybe he was being protective. 

And that is how you get to have a first kiss without actually having it  

Noventa y Tres

Of course I have anything against whores. Except this: Some of them may have an honest tongue but they all have dishonest hearts. I mean, you can't bang the guy and cash his checks and at least not try to believe you love him. I never have 

-Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany's 

Noventa

Mi BFF me dice que tenemos que reventarnos de vez en cuando porque todavía sómos jóvenes. 
Creo que está pasando por su crisis de los treintas. 

Yo también he tenido algunas de esas crisis pero nunca me ha dado por correr desnuda por los campos o salir a reventarme. Tal vez porque creo que las actividades de los adultos son más de mi tipo.

Buena comida, buena bebida, tranquilidad. 

Leer, dormir, viajar, sin padecer.

Tal vez desde niña he tenido una abuelita por dentro. 
Eso explicaría porqué nunca he sentido que pertenezco a ningún lugar.

Tal vez los 30s serán mi época.

Si no es que me siguen castigando por ser nazi en una de mis vidas pasadas... 

Ochenta y Nueve

I used to be that woman.

I used to do the right thing on behalf of my soul and leave my desires aside. 

It appears I lost myself on the way.

Ochenta y Ocho

No matter how strong of a person you are, there’s always someone who can make you weak.

Miss that feeling

Ochenta y Siete

So, this happened on Hannibal, the  tv series.

- What´s your excuse?
- To not dating? Why do you asume I don´t date?
- Do you?
-  I don´t. Seems like something for somebody else. I´m sure I´ll become that somebody someday, but right now I think too much.
- So, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna try to think less or you just gonna wait until it happens naturally?
- I  haven´t thought about it.

Cualquier parecido con mi vida, es mera coincidencia. 

Ochenta y Seis

Hay muchas historias que podría contar de mi relación con Michael Jackson.
Lo haré en forma de puntos, para que sea más fácil.

1. Mi hermana Daniela, lleva por segundo nombre Michael. Mi papá dice que por la canción Michelle de los Beatles. La casualidad es que el también es súper fan de MJ. Entonces mi hermana tiene el nombre escrito mal. Creo que en el fondo a mi papá no le molesta el error.

2. One thing about me, no me acuerdo de nada de lo feo de mi infancia, como que lo borré. Aaaah pero si recuerdo ir a poner el LP de Bad a cada rato. 

3. Mi papá nos llevó a Disneyland de niñas y según el vimos Captain EO. Yo recuerdo los juegos nomás.

4. Recuerdo clarito su espectáculo del medio tiempo en el Superbowl. 

5. Cuando Pepsi hacia lo de juntar para los pepsilindros, yo junté para regalarle uno a mi papá de Dangerous. Tenia su cara, como la portada del disco.

6. Cuando crecí fuí escuchando más y más. Cuenta la leyenda del CAAPS que yo atendía los partos con Michael Jackson de soundtrack. para mantener el ambiente animado.

7. El día de su muerte, justamente escuchaba canciones de él con el BFF cuando me avisaron. Mucha gente me mandó mensajes, como si hubiera muerto un familiar. That was so touching. Four years ago.

8. Casi, caaaasi, me sale el baile de Beat It, which is my favorite. A mi hermana si le sale.

Ochenta y Cinco

-Why are you horny all the time?
-Im a man. Testosterone.
-Maybe I'm secretly a man..
-That would make me bi

Sweetest thing a man has said to me in a while.

Ochenta y Cuatro

Miedo a lo desconocido..
Miedo a lo conocido..
Miedo a lo presente, a lo ausente, a lo omnipresente...
Miedo a mi, miedo a ti, miedo a todos..
Miedo al dolor, a la tristeza, a la soledad..
Miedo a ser feliz, miedo a no poder soportarlo..

Miedo?
Yo?

Por favor!!No me hagas reir.

Ochenta y Tres

My very first platonic relationship with a guy was when I was 11 years old.

[[ The importance of the platonic relationships in my life has made a huge difference in it. I strongly believed that men and women could be friends without any of them being attracted to the other one. This concept has been put to the test a couple of times now, but I totally swore by it ]]

I was used to be bullied. Being chubby, having glasses, being the top of the class, it is obvious I was an easy target. So boys weren't that nice to me, except this boy. Im still friends with him today. I remember we used to talk and laugh, and the other boys always were teasing me up, trying to make me confess that I loved him. And I remember thinking: " I swear I dont like him! He is my best friend! "

Of course, I was head-over-heels with the handsome guy from the classroom. Also a nice boy that was really nice to me one day and after that, I was in love. [[ we tend to fall in love with the ones that pay attention to us ]]  

But it is only now that I think that maybe my friend had a crush on me. And maybe I friend-zoned him. And that is how, my love life has been until today: a vicious circle of me friendzoning guys I never realized were in love with me, and being friendzoned by guys I liked and that would, eventually, regret the zone where they put me. 

Yes. My life has been a mess.