Sept

Dear Self: 

Practice Reckless Optimism 

Even in the darkest of days.
Remember you are loved.
And you will find happiness again.

Don´t be so hard to yourself.
Life goes on. 

Don't wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel,

 stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself. 

 ------ Sara Henderson  

Ten

When you feel like someone is not being as thankful as you would like, or hoped. or maybe they don´t recognize how valuable you are. Or you feel like they are taking advantage of you, the normal response is feeling bad about it. Being sad, feeling cheated.

You have nothing to feel ashamed of. You were doing nothing wrong. You gave yourself with the best intentions. And if someone fails to live up to it, its on them. The shame should be on them.

And Karma will avenge you.

2013

Silence feels weird
But maybe it is what I need now.

Life gives you what you need.
A lesson I learned this year actually.

All I know today is that this is gonna be a  smooth sailing  from here on.

[[ see what I did there? ;) ]]

Noventa y Cuatro

My first kiss was not meant to be.

The very first time I kissed a guy was with my lips closed, and he was a friend in school.

We were studying at one of the fields in the campus and it was getting dark.

Now, you have to know that when there is pressure and less sleep than normal, the mind usually wanders a lot. A LOT

So we are there sitting on the grass reading but saying stupid and random things. One complaining about his ex girlfriend, one about how he was alone. I was just listening. And I don't remember really how it happened, my best friend was already leaving the spot when i got behind  ( probably because my feet were numb ) and this other guy who used to study with us helped me. He asked if I had an ex. I said no. 

So he yells to my friend: Duuude!! she has never had a boyfriend.

Then A yells : I KNOOOW

He keeps asking questions. Have you been on dates, have you been in love. Then he asks if Ive ever kissed someone, which was a no.

Duuuuuude!! She has never kissed anybody!! 

I KNOOOOOW

Then he says, can I have a kiss? And I say yes.

So we kissed. It lasted nothing. It was just a soft touch on the lips.

Then of course he screams.

DUUUDE SHE KISSED ME!!!!

And thats when my friend lost it. He was so mad. He made me feel like a whore.
Now that I think of it, I was just being flirty,  which I was but nobody knew. Im one of the most flirtatious person you will meet. And I knew that back before, but I never felt too confident to show it. Not even when I got the chance. Not until I graduated. 

So for me it was nothing, just a game. It felt silly and stupid, and it wasnt even a big romantic kiss. But I got lectured about it. My friend was mad. I dont know why now that I think of it. Maybe he was being protective. 

And that is how you get to have a first kiss without actually having it  

Noventa y Dos

• Nothing ever grows and the sun doesn´t shine all day
• What am I to do with all this silence?
• Why can´t we sleep forever?
• Surrendering to the gravity and to the unknown
• Reaching out to embrace whatever may come
• Everything is broken up and dances
• The world forgetting, by the world forgot
• Sinking deeper
• The Days are bright and filled with pain, enclose me in your gentle rain
• I am not your blowing wind, lightening, autumn moon, the night 
• Poisoned Apple
• Queen of the Fucking Universe
• Unhappy Girl
• The scream of the butterfly
• This glorious sadness

Cosas que una adolescente de 18 años escribíó en su pared. 

Setenta y Seis

Sometimes I have to remind myself that i'm such a lucky girl.
That you don't get what you want but what you need.
You just have to be patient and keep the good karma coming. 

Sesenta y Dos

The people that knows you the best will hurt you the most. 

Treinta y siete

This was just to remind me that sometimes I have to take care of myself too.

Treinta

It's good to know I can still get nervous.
[[ I thought I wasn't going to feel that way again ]]
It's good to know I can be brave. 
But then again, I have always been brave in those situations. 

Now lets forget this too!

Veintiseis

I have to keep reminding myself to get out of my comfort zone once in a while. 

This past saturday was the perfect example:

My bff and I werent sure to leave the comfort of our warm and cozy beds to go for adventure to another city, to a previously made appointment. We dragged literaly each other out of our houses and started the drive. And our way was surrounded by luck.

So, in this weekend I managed to:

1. Go to see snow for the first time that I can remember. It was awesome and I can totally see why people love Christmas now. 

2. Taste a true american BBQ. Now I know what all that fuzz is about. Amazing

3. Go Laser-tagging. I felt powerful for once.

4. Get really really drunk. Like the most drunk Ive ever been. To the point of vomit. And enjoy myself in the process. 

5. Notice that all those "american" things that I value, all come from being a good, friendly, adventurous person. It works for them all the time, I wish we were like that. 

So yeah, nice weekend. Thats why I feel smashed today

Diecisiete

Tengo tres nuevas "empresas" en estos días. Bueno, dos nuevas y una que ya tenía pero blablabla


1. Voy muy atrasada con mi lectura del año. Mi objetivo es leer 23 libros  ( El año pasado era 25 y leí 23) y para ser casi febrero llevo la gran cantidad de 0.5 !! En mi defensa mi libro parece eteeeerno. 

2. Ya salió el lineup de Coachella y no he podido empezar mi "tarea" de escuchar a los grupos que van a estar para ver a quién quiero ver. Y ya casi es febrero. 

3. Estar al corriente con mis blogs. La gran mayoria son de moda, pero no he tenido oportunidad. 

4. Y seguir escribiendo diariamente aqui ( bueno, de lunes a viernes )

La verdad me seria más fácil si siguiera usando la computadora terminando mi jornada laboral pero, siento que 10 hrs frente la computadora ya son demasiadas. Tal vez si necesito una tablet. Tal vez solo necesito ser más eficiente. 

Maybe I just need to shut the fuck up and start already

Deserve The Future

I know how to be lost in lust, not because you should but because you must ♫♫♫


[[ Though it has never helped me, I don't know how not to be like that, though it has driven people away from me, It is a part that I've never been able to deny.. though it may cloud my judgement, I trust my instinct to prove me wrong and always trying not to hurt anybody.. but me if its necessary. ]]




It hasn't taken me anywhere yet..


I know how to burn with passion
Hold nothing back for future ration
Give all you are, do not make haste
Savor every single taste you get... got

I know how to be controlled
Do opposite of what you're told
Be quick, react, to break the box
And turn on cue as your cell door locks behind you

I know how to be lost in lust
Not because you should, but because you must
It burns white hot, and so clouds the mind
It's lightening strike isn't always kind

So use me up





No one Loves Me. Neither Do I // Them Crooked Vultures // Them Crooked Vultures // 2009

Post it 2

Someone asked on twitter: the first name of the person and the place in the world of your most memorable kiss.


And now, Im trying to put my memories on place so I can pick one. I havent had that many kisses so It shouldnt be hard. But the ones I remember the most are not the happiest of them. 


If I weren´t this afraid of Alzheimer I would let memories fade away, but even the sad ones have a purpose. To make the good ones look even brighter.To teach us things. To make us better persons.

Rebellion

I have not felt this good in years.
Seriously. 


Its even scary. I feel really so fucking good that nothing matters.
And I dont want it to fade away. Must work on that. 

//Arcade Fire // Funeral 2006

Post it 1

Me es muy dificil desconectar la descarga emocional que acompaña a ciertos discos con la música, especialmente aquella que me transporta específicamente a momentos dificiles de mi vida. Well duuh right?


El ejemplo más claro ahorita es el Strange Days de The Doors. Nunca he sido capáz de oirlo bien después de aquellos tristes tiempos. 


Otro recordatorio Paola. Empieza con esa limpieza también... 
Duuuude seriously! you need to let go.

It's Late

I really didn´t expect to see you today. It was, as always, a cruel joke. 
I hate how vulnerable I am to your actions. And how sincere you seem.
How badly I need you sometimes. 


// Queen, 1977. News of the World

I'm a Man

So, the next step is being less shy.
ok, lets give it a try.




//The Yardbirds, 1967

Big Bang Baby

Mi momento favorito del dia es ir / regresar del trabajo.

De día casi no hay gente en las calles, el sol todavía no quema y no hace tanto calor. Y pss ya saben que soy fiel amante del transporte público.

De noche, las cuadras que camino por el centro de la ciudad, vacío y obscuro. La música suena en mis oidos y a veces pareciera que todos pueden oirla. Los autos y los arboles bailan siguiendo la canción. Llegar a mi destino siempre es decepcionante.

¿Porque? Lo desconozco. Es innato en mí. Siempre he sido la que va a la tienda por cosas.

---------

Ahora, el momento bizarro de la semana pasada. Patrocinado por el equipo Tu-Cola

Karaoke de música norteña/banda/ ni siquiera se como catalogarlo. Jueves, 6pm.

[[ las organizadas y puntuales nos dicen ]]

Mientras nos deleitaban con una serenata de canciones de reggeaton de Daddy Yankee, con mil calorias perdidas de tanto reir, con la tercera media de pacífico en mi sistema, la mitad del equipo me proporcionó su especie de mantra para vivir la vida. Hay que seguir 4 pasos sencillos:

1. No hagas suposiciones.

2. Honra tu palabra

3. Haz siempre lo mejor que puedas.

4. No tomes nada personal.

Y lo bizarro es que aún con el ambiente previamente descrito, oyendo esa música infame, y asi.. lo unico que pude hacer fué sentarme, tomarle un trago a la pacífico y dejar que eso moviera mi mundo. Digamos que siempre he hecho la mitad más difícil... me faltaba la mitad que me haría libre..

Im doing it now. It feels great.

The Aftermath

De ahora en adelante hablaré menos.

Aún cuando a veces siento que explotaré si no digo algo.

Try

I always overthink. And its killing me.

Bueno, no me está matando en realidad, pero me ha hecho sufrir mucho en el pasado.

So, this has to stop

Pd. When you least expect it, life can rock you with great things.

Pd2. Try not to fuck things up