I wrote this about a week ago, as a response to a video that questions our relationship with makeup. I loved the result. I know I have talked about my relationship with makeup before but I would like to keep this a war chant, sort of speak.



To me, makeup is a way to express myself. Its a way to be different everyday, if I want to. To let the world know that im different. That im a force to reckon with. Some days it will be the eyes, some days, the lips. Some days I wont wear a thing and it will be fine too. But its fun to have this blank canvas and paint it different everyday, and be able to make mistakes and improve and find a mix and match and gain confidence. It shouldnt be this way, but we know how the world is, and I dont want them to be only looking at my weight or my relationship status or my career. I would like them first of all, to see me and really look at me. 

But the most important of all is that I dont wear makeup for the rest of the world. I wear it for myself. And that is the only reason I need 

Five

Every single time I hear Eleanor Rigby I get this feeling that someday Im going to end up like her.

Every single time. 

Ive had that feeling since I was 12.
We lonely people are hard to understand. 

Noventa y Siete

Ive found that one of my favorite things ever, is grabbing some man´s head with both of my hands while I kiss him.
I knew but hadn't realized how good it makes me feel

Ochenta y Nueve

I used to be that woman.

I used to do the right thing on behalf of my soul and leave my desires aside. 

It appears I lost myself on the way.

Ochenta y Ocho

No matter how strong of a person you are, there’s always someone who can make you weak.

Miss that feeling

Setenta y Uno

I feel an "almost 30" crisis approaching. 

So, technically I have to start thinking about kids soon?
My cat counts as a kid right?
And lets not jump into the "being alone forever" part because I might cry.

I dont feel as alone as before, but that is me getting used to it.


Maybe I should keep my promise and disappear of the map after 30. 

Setenta

I keep dreaming of you.

I keep dreaming with the possibility.

Dreaming with all those things I did not do. 
And now I know I will never do. 

With so much to give. 
With so much to have.

Like a kid, daydreaming about Christmas all year
And being heartbroken on December 25th.

Sesenta y Nueve

Confesiones: 
In my head I pretend my second time was my first time. Sometimes I believe it myself.
He never knew it was my first time. In both cases.
I know now why people marry great fuckers. I completely understand.
Ive never had the full experience.

I believe I was born for it. Like I was born to listen music.

Sesenta y Seis

Lo atrayente de escuchar música de mis teenager times es la sensación que me recuerdan.
Yo era fuerte, independiente, no me importaba lo que la gente pensaba. Era Invencible.

Me pasó con Garbage y ahora con los RHCP. I felt awesome.

I want that girl back. But instead of 19 I want to be 29 :)

Cincuenta y Nueve

Siento que estoy perdiendo a mis amigos 

Cincuenta y Seis

I realized something through the weekend: 

I would like to say that Im not like guys who objectify the opposite sex, specially when they are smoking hot or they arouse me but I dont feel I need any more Ryan Gosling movies as long as I can watch that infamous scene over and over and over and over again, or The Notebook.

Ive watched his interviews, another movies, and so. But he isnt as charming as I expected. Id rather see Jennifer Lawerence or Mila Kunis or Joshua Homme. 

Sad, but true

Cincuenta y Uno

Ayer me fuí a leer a un café, sola.
Como cuando era más feliz.

Y la verdad, si fuí feliz.

Cuarenta y Uno

Sometimes while im driving, I remember you.
I remember how you place your hands on the wheel and how you turn. 
How much you like to drive. How you took my hand during the trip.

Then I realize Im holding the wheel the way you do it. 
I think subconsciously I'm doing it this way because of you.

And I dont want to. Because I dont want to anymore.
Because it has been years. It has been enough.
Because you dont think of me anymore.
Because the dream is over. 

Treinta y cinco.

When I was in college, I used to wonder if I should take anxiety medication. My mother was taking it and being a med student made me really anxious about the drug implications and stuff. But also, I was worried that the medication would change me, or my personality, just as I saw with my sister. And I loved being me so I dismissed it because I hadnt been really bad.

Now, years later I can see it was, as I like to call it, adolescent anxiety.

Treinta y tres

Tengo problemas con la perfección.
Y como no la encuentro, no tengo nada.

Busco la frase perfecta para el "About You" de mis perfiles..
Y  esa parte se queda vacía por meses.

Busco el diseño perfecto para un tatuaje...
Y sigo sin tener uno.

Tengo meses pensando en hacerme un cambio en mi cabello...
Y pues ya saben lo que sigue.

De éstas problemáticas, el tatuaje es el más aterrorizador, ya que es algo que va a estar ahi PARA SIEMPRE. ¿Que tal que me equivoco? ¿Que tal que había una opción todavía más perfecta para mi?

Lo único en lo que creo que no aplico este patrón de conducta, es en mis relaciones amorosas.
Aunque, siguiendo el guión de este post, no tengo ninguna. Bueno si, pero no.

Mis parejas son muy pero muy lejos de ser perfectas. Es más, técnicamente ni eramos pareja.  Ash. Esto es muy complicado.

Esto terminó siendo uno de esos post que no debí escribir.

Treinta y uno

I will be king and you, you will be queen.
We can be heroes, just for one day.


Someday
Somehow
Somewhere
Someone

And me

Veintiocho

Been feeling the need lately to be inlove with someone. Or to have someone to send texts with. Or else. 
But its only been for a couple of days. Certainly is not about Valentine's Day. Certainly i'm not lonely. 

Just shut up the fuck up hormones 

Veinticinco

Fashion Week is here!

I know what you are thinking. Fashion is vain and not important.
But it means so much things to a lot of people. 
For me, it means Courage. Diversity. Originality. Expression. Art

When I was a kid/teenager struggling with bullying and loneliness, one of the things I was most afraid of was dressing "wrong". I had been made fun of because of my weight, my glasses, my grades and my clothes, but it was that the thing I could take care of.  Every time I tried to make some change to my appearance, the bullies would appear. It was hurtful and sad. So I looked the same way for probably 15 years: the same hair style, the same kind of clothes. Dark times were those.

I grew up a little and got a little confident, mostly in not-talking-to-anybody as a way to prevent the mockery. Met new people and got happier. Books and music made me stronger. And my feelings were expressed by my clothes. 

Even now, its hard to wear something that I think people will make fun of. Just remember the last time you saw someone with something ridiculous. That person was courageous. Probably knew that people would watch but didn't care. 

I hate being watched. I would love to be invisible sometimes. But that feeling must be killed. 
And my love for fashion may be the perfect one for the job. 

Quince

It is not hard to understand:

I really appreciate the beauty of a woman's body. Sometimes I even feel aroused.
But that does not mean I would like to fuck one. 

Once

Acordarme de mi long lost love cuando suena A Woman Left Lonely

Eso es lo que yo llamo ironía.